Cheryl's Story

But wait...they will come back...my kind of cancer always does. The pulmonary doc said I had three to four months to live without treatment. The oncologist said he might be able to buy me one or two years, but it's up to the medicine and me as to how well I do. I know he must be sick of seeing people who are dying because they chose to smoke. He's young and looks very weary for his age. I actually worry about him. The radiologist said if I kill these tumors, more will come eventually. He said he could maybe buy me a year, or even three. Limited small cell cancer is incurable and inoperable. I have a 50 percent chance of beating this round, he says with sympathy and amazement in his eyes. He sees so many patients like myself. What a sad job. His amazement is at why anyone...in this day and age...would smoke in the first place.

The base line for me is to stay well enough to endure the treatments. I must stay healthy, germ-free, and eat right, etc., for the rest of my life. Right now I can't shop. I can't be in crowds. I can't even kiss my grandbabies because of their sniffles. I have no immune system anymore, so I should wear a mask around people. It's sure funny/ironic that everything I did in life (my so called fun/bad habits) was to avoid this exact healthy lifestyle. Heck, it was no fun to be healthy and vice-free. Too dull for me. I knew I was going to live to be one hundred. Now that I am ill, I have to do all of those things I resisted or was too lazy to do in the past...if I want to stay alive and fight the cancers. Now, wouldn't life have been simpler for me to have done those things all along? DUH!

Let's see now...why was it that I preferred to smoke...as opposed to...say...live and not smoke?

I am trying to let the shame and blame go. It's very hard to forgive myself for what I am doing to my loved ones. My life now depends on me having a healthy and positive attitude. I am going to give it my best, but it's difficult at times.

I want so much to make something positive out of this horrible state I have gotten myself into. I thought maybe a story from a person who has smoking-related cancer might help someone. But how could I get my story out? And would anyone care? I'm nobody in particular. Then Terry from About.com kindly invited me here, and we decided maybe a story on this site would be seen by others trying to quit. It might make a difference in their lives to see how much harder it is to have cancer than it is to stop smoking.

Even if it's only one person who might get scared enough and quit, that's a miracle in itself. I am sharing my story for all the folks who come here to get help in order to quit smoking. I want them to hear firsthand how devastating cancer is, not only for me, but for my innocent loved ones.

...unless you are murdered or have a fatal accident. It will give you a heart attack, stroke, or cancer. It can happen; it happened to me. It happens every day. The real crime is that a drug which is that addictive is legal in the first place.

I am writing all about this cancer and how my life has completely changed in my personal journal. Actually, it's the same journal I used for my "stop smoking" journal. Now that's a wee bit ironic and morbid, don't you think? But so is death at 56.

The shrink says to tell my eight-year-old granddaughter I am ill, but not to use the word cancer. I don't have to tell her. She knows on her own. She saw me working with scarves for the day my hair will be gone (which it is now), and said, "Oh no you don't! That is not a cool look on you, grand-mom."

Remember when only the cool people smoked? I was terminally "cool."

Thanks for reading my story. I have to go take some of the 900 dollars a month's worth of medication now. It's the only way I can sleep with minimal pain.

Cheryl
The Healing World - Part two of Cheryl's Story

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Chery'ls Story Part Two

From you Guide to About.com Smoking Cessation, Terry Martin: I had the honor of meeting Cheryl in December of 2003, shortly after she'd been diagnosed with stage IV small cell lung cancer. It was her wish to do whatever she possibly could to help people quit smoking, so she wrote this article, along with another detailing her thoughts and life after diagnosis called Cheryl's Story of Courage and Caring. I think she accomplished her goal many times over. Her stories have been read by thousands of people all over the world, and many have found the inspiration they needed to stop smoking for good after reading what she had to share.

We all lost a very courageous and loving woman when Cheryl succumbed to her cancer on June 30, 2005. Please read her story, and take her words to heart. What happened to Cheryl could happen to anyone. Smoking is a deadly habit, and it will kill you, given the chance. It has nothing of value to offer you. Nothing.

I came to live here after I was diagnosed with limited small cell lung cancer and squamous cell 3rd stage B cancer on November 19, 2003.

Now, I wasn't aware of this place, nor did I realize I had already become a participating resident for about three weeks. Every time I heard a statistic, or the time, date of this or that, I closed off my hearing and speech. I let my family do the hearing for me as we traveled back and forth to doctors and meetings for days on end. It took me a bit of traveling blindly to get here, but finally the wheels came to a stop. The cigarette smoke and the clouds of denial and confusion finally lifted before my eyes, dry from radiation. I wanted to see the truth. I was raw and weary from the trip, but I was finally ready to learn what I needed to do in order to survive. I was ready to be in control of this particular cycle of my life.

I watched and observed others in my condition. The experienced ones in the treatment rooms helped me along the way. They were kind and honest. Slowly, slowly, layer by layer, my old life's needs, wants and priorities were being stripped away. Those layers were useless to me now. One day I looked in the mirror, and what I saw was me, being as open and honest as I had ever been in my life. In reality, I was bald and ill, but in my mind's eye I was beautiful and my spirit soared. One side of my being wanted to Go! Live and love for all the days that were left!

That side said, "Be greedy and don't look ahead."

The other side of me said, "Get out there. Fight! Know thine enemy, cancer. Pay attention. This one is for the BIG test!"

Ok! I get it! I am here 100 percent. Cheryl is here for her new class on Life 101.

I am up and at 'em at 4am in order to get to the big city by 7:30 a.m. I grab my meds, coffee, my nic gum, my crystals, my ACA book, and Bernie Siegal, M.D.'s book, Love, Medicine and Miracles, and head for the car. I ride through my beloved, foggy morning bayous to get to the hospital. By the time I get to the second floor of the hospital, the nurses are turning on the blinking, popping florescent lights at their stations, thereby erasing all of the darkness of yesterday. For one tiny second, we are all the same. Just people beginning their work day. Not patients, not nurses, just people. But it's just for a tiny second.As I walk into the chemo treatment room, I first look around to see who isn't there. I make a mental note to ask the nurse or others about the missing person later. Then, and only then, will I focus on the faces who are there. I find a splendid beauty in every single face I behold on these days. I think I am finally getting it. Only God could have created man. I see humanity and caring shining through the pain and fear when I see these people helping each other.

Healing Comes in Many Forms... - page 2 of The Healing World

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