Angela's 6 Month Milestone

Smoking cessation is a gradual process of release from nicotine addiction, and for most of us, this process brings about a change in the relationship we have to smoking.

For smoking cessation forum member Angela (Forum ID: awonspirit), this change of heart is poignantly described in the poem she wrote to celebrate 6 months smoke-free. The blinders are off and the smokescreen has lifted.

Congratulations, Angela!

© Angela Moten

When I think of a cigarette,
I think of the four thousand chemicals
that would rush into my mouth and
burn their way into my once healthy lungs.
I think about that nasty taste, that nasty
ring of polluted air I would create in the
space around my body. I think of the
looks of disgust given by those close by.
I think of those who politely stepped
away from me, and those who not so
politely stepped away.

When I think of a cigarette,
I think of the forty seven years
I spent enslaved to its beck and call.
I think of the lies I told myself to ensure
it’s hold on me. How I convinced myself
that it’s treacherous act was fulfilling some
need, some longing that mysteriously
never went away. I think of the twenty
times each day I held the delusion
that it was making me feel better,
and thought I was sane in the process.

When I think of a cigarette,
I think of the lengths I would go to
to get one - Late night solitary walks
to liquor stores in dangerous neighborhoods,
taking money from the children’s piggy banks,
writing checks on an account with no funds.
I think of how I convinced myself I was normal
and not a “real” junkie. How I lied to myself
constantly. I shudder at the thought. But things
are better now. I am free. I looked the demon
in his face, and saw him for the liar that he is.

When I think of a cigarette,
I no longer lust its poisonous pinion,
my senses have returned (and improved).
I smile at the recognition that I am a winner.
My sanity has returned. I am strong. I
have garnered the lessons this addiction offered.
I have unveiled the truth – I am neither
victim nor fool. In the wake of a once
destructive force, I stand victorious -
captain at the helm – punch my fists up in the air.
Rejoice in my new found freedom.

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Jane's One Year Milestone

For 37 years I had one last cigarette before turning in for the night, every night. On August 5, 2006, I had one last cigarette that I hoped and prayed with all my heart would be the last cigarette of my life.

What would tomorrow be like? What would I feel like? What would I do with my hands? Today, looking back over the past year, this is what I see.

I was sitting at my dear friend's funeral, which I reflected on in my six month milestone. He died from complications of lung cancer. It was a very sad day.

I was grateful I had quit smoking.

I was in sunny California. The past two months I had been flaky, sleepless, forgetful; a little mad and a little sad. At one point my husband asked me if I should really be driving a car! I had also been busy reading and learning all I could about smoking cessation. I changed routines that held triggers, and I was trying my hardest to practice positive thinking until it would come naturally. Basically, I was making quitting tobacco my job!

I think it took the first two months for what was in my head to get to my heart. I walked and walked and breathed in the beautiful air. I began to notice I could smell and taste again. My hair and skin looked better...everything was improving. The best change I noticed was that I was beginning to feel "free" and I was loving it. I felt like Mary Tyler Moore when she throws her hat in the air.

I was grateful I had quit smoking.

My friend May came to Nashville to visit her daughters. When she arrived, she was sick with what we thought was a chest cold. In a matter of days, she had seen the doctors, had a diagnosis and was getting ready for the fight of her life...she had lung cancer.

I sat with May and her daughters after their initial grueling day at the Sarah Cannon Cancer Center. I listened as they told me that the worst part of the whole day was not being poked and prodded; it was not having to hurry up and wait to see doctor after doctor; it was not setting up the chemo and radiation. The worst thing of all was having to answer the question, "Did you smoke and for how long" over and over again at each stop. Her daughters told me it was excruciating to have to hear their mom say the words, "Yes, I smoked for 35 years"...and listen as she was forced to repeat the words, many times over, that described why, more likely than not, she was facing this life threatening illness.

I was grateful I had quit smoking.

I was looking forward to Christmas, my first smoke-free holiday in 37 years. WOW, what would that be like? My ickie threes had come a little late and were definitely making their presence known. I was busy shopping, planning, cooking, wrapping, 'Tis the Season, Oh the Joy! The old me would have rewarded myself with a cigarette after each task; it was a favorite time. Smoke, sit back, look at what I had done and think about what I was going to do. Well, I couldn't do that anymore.

I think the stress, the fatigue of overdoing, and the sheer physical and mental exhaustion of dealing with my quit exploded on Christmas Day! We were going to my mother's house, which was about an hour away. I wanted to drive myself in my own car. At this point I was not fit for human consumption and I wanted to be alone. Once in the car and driving down I-24, I had this thought: I could smoke and nobody would know. I pulled off the exit and there I sat in the Mapco parking lot digging through my purse looking for money.

All of a sudden, the nonsmoking slogans ran through my brain; the information in red ran thru my brain. Forum member Betty Blossom's soothing words and beautiful face ran through my brain; my fellow August ash kickers and the morning nope pledge ran through my head. I began to cry. I am crying now thinking about what I believe was a defining moment in my quit.

I was grateful I had quit smoking.

...were pretty uneventful. I was beginning to realize that the joy might just be in this journey. I was quitting smoking, but I was also growing as a person. I was calmer, more confident, and stronger. I was even beginning to appreciate the hard times of my quit. I recognized that after each "learning period," I was rewarded with a growth spurt and more feelings of true peace.

I was grateful I had quit smoking.

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Dawg's One Month Milestone

"In this corner, wearing tar black trunks with yellowish gray skin, yellow fangs, and bloodshot eyes is the Nicooooooodeeemoooooonnnnn! And prowling the other corner, sporting a shiny coat, bright eyes, a nasty disposition, and that dim wit we are all familiar with is the Jundyaaaaaaarrrrdaaaaawg!

Ding, ding, ding

"They come out of their corners folks, the nicodemon tries a stealth attack, but the dawg sees what he's doing. The dawg blocks the attack and responds with a vicious uppercut. The demon is stumbling, no, no, he is down!; this round goes to the Dawg! I swear folks; I think the demon lost a fang or two with that blow."

"Let's have a talk with this round's winner. Down to you, Bob."

Bob:Thanks Dan. So dawg, you looked great out there today, you made this round look easy, how do you feel?
Dawg: Honestly Bob, I never felt better in my life. Training hard, eating right. This round was easy.
Bob:Bet you didn't think you would be able to say that a few weeks ago. How did you know what the demon was trying to do just then? That was a pretty sneaky move.
Dawg: Reading, listening to the advice of other fighters, just being prepared, you know.
Bob: Now this is thirty-one rounds in a row for you right? How did you accomplish that?
Dawg: Wow, thirty-one rounds already? As you know, the first 7 rounds were tough for me. The demon staggered me on a few occasions. The next seven were definitely easier, and it has steadily gotten easier after that. There were a few rounds; 2, 3, 4, 5, 8, 10, 12, and 21 that could have gone either way, but I stayed standing, and the judges ruled in my favor. I swear, after a couple of those rounds, I never thought I'd be able to get off my stool to fight again.
Bob: Where did you find the strength to keep going?
Dawg: Well, you know Bob, the WOS as well as Danny, Simon, Dave, Keith, and some promising newcomers kept coming by to give me tips and encouragement, and I tried to learn as much as I could from their example. I read a lot about the nicodemon's strategy, and I listened to the Sista Ash Kicka's Experience on the headphones. Honestly, without all the help I received, there is no way I would be standing today. Oh, and I drank plenty of ice water, never let myself get too hungry, popped lots of Altoids and cloves, and just did anything and everything I could to keep standing.
Bob: Well, if you don't mind my saying so, it appears that you have actually gotten bigger and stronger in the later rounds, and it appears that the demon has gotten dramatically smaller and weaker.
Dawg:(with a sideways grin) Well, I have to admit that I have put on a few pounds...but without a doubt, I have gotten stronger too. As you know, the demon and I were partners for several years, and I guess I always assumed he was the stronger of the two of us, but come to find out, he needed me (for him to stay strong) much more than I needed him. I definitely see that he's getting weaker the longer we stay apart.
Bob: So what's next for the dawg?
Dawg: Nothing new, Bob. I'll be here tomorrow to fight the good fight. I'll continue my reading and preparation. The nicodemon didn't look strong today, but he is definitely a tough opponent, and you just can't count him out yet.
Bob: Just one more question, dawg. Did you really know Sooby Doo?
Dawg: Yeah, you know, it's not like we were in the same pack or anything, but yeah, I knew him. He always did soooo good in obedience class, and I just barely scraped by. The instructor would be like "fetch" and I'd be all like "what the hell for man, you threw the dam* thing, you've got two good legs, you go get it", and Scooby would be all like "rooby roo, as rong as I get a riscuit!" We started calling biscuits "Scooby Snacks" 'cause he'd do anything for one; what a suck up. Pretty shameless if you ask me. I mean, I'm my own dawg, you know, I'll sit when I'm dam*'d good and ready, and I'll lay down when I'm tired.
Bob: o
Bob: As usual dawg, we get just a little too much information with you, don't we. We were doing just fine, having a pretty good interview, and you just had to insult an Icon.
Dawg: Sorry, Bob.
Bob: Back to you, Dan.

~Dawg~ (junkyarddawg)

Dawg's Quit Smoking Story
Dawg's Two Month Milestone
Argue for your limitations, and sure enough, they’re yours. Richard Bach, Illusions

May your day be filled with enough challenges to make you strong, enough failures to make you humble, enough success to make you believe in yourself, and enough love to make you believe in others.

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