Chery'ls Story Part Two

From you Guide to About.com Smoking Cessation, Terry Martin: I had the honor of meeting Cheryl in December of 2003, shortly after she'd been diagnosed with stage IV small cell lung cancer. It was her wish to do whatever she possibly could to help people quit smoking, so she wrote this article, along with another detailing her thoughts and life after diagnosis called Cheryl's Story of Courage and Caring. I think she accomplished her goal many times over. Her stories have been read by thousands of people all over the world, and many have found the inspiration they needed to stop smoking for good after reading what she had to share.

We all lost a very courageous and loving woman when Cheryl succumbed to her cancer on June 30, 2005. Please read her story, and take her words to heart. What happened to Cheryl could happen to anyone. Smoking is a deadly habit, and it will kill you, given the chance. It has nothing of value to offer you. Nothing.

I came to live here after I was diagnosed with limited small cell lung cancer and squamous cell 3rd stage B cancer on November 19, 2003.

Now, I wasn't aware of this place, nor did I realize I had already become a participating resident for about three weeks. Every time I heard a statistic, or the time, date of this or that, I closed off my hearing and speech. I let my family do the hearing for me as we traveled back and forth to doctors and meetings for days on end. It took me a bit of traveling blindly to get here, but finally the wheels came to a stop. The cigarette smoke and the clouds of denial and confusion finally lifted before my eyes, dry from radiation. I wanted to see the truth. I was raw and weary from the trip, but I was finally ready to learn what I needed to do in order to survive. I was ready to be in control of this particular cycle of my life.

I watched and observed others in my condition. The experienced ones in the treatment rooms helped me along the way. They were kind and honest. Slowly, slowly, layer by layer, my old life's needs, wants and priorities were being stripped away. Those layers were useless to me now. One day I looked in the mirror, and what I saw was me, being as open and honest as I had ever been in my life. In reality, I was bald and ill, but in my mind's eye I was beautiful and my spirit soared. One side of my being wanted to Go! Live and love for all the days that were left!

That side said, "Be greedy and don't look ahead."

The other side of me said, "Get out there. Fight! Know thine enemy, cancer. Pay attention. This one is for the BIG test!"

Ok! I get it! I am here 100 percent. Cheryl is here for her new class on Life 101.

I am up and at 'em at 4am in order to get to the big city by 7:30 a.m. I grab my meds, coffee, my nic gum, my crystals, my ACA book, and Bernie Siegal, M.D.'s book, Love, Medicine and Miracles, and head for the car. I ride through my beloved, foggy morning bayous to get to the hospital. By the time I get to the second floor of the hospital, the nurses are turning on the blinking, popping florescent lights at their stations, thereby erasing all of the darkness of yesterday. For one tiny second, we are all the same. Just people beginning their work day. Not patients, not nurses, just people. But it's just for a tiny second.As I walk into the chemo treatment room, I first look around to see who isn't there. I make a mental note to ask the nurse or others about the missing person later. Then, and only then, will I focus on the faces who are there. I find a splendid beauty in every single face I behold on these days. I think I am finally getting it. Only God could have created man. I see humanity and caring shining through the pain and fear when I see these people helping each other.

Healing Comes in Many Forms... - page 2 of The Healing World

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Just One Cigarette

When we quit smoking, most of us go through a fair amount of junkie thinking - the internal battle between our addiction and ourselves. Early on in smoking cessation, the dialogue can seem relentless. It's often persistent, annoying and exhausting. It is however, temporary, and the less attention you give to unhealthy thoughts of smoking, the better.

Thoughts of smoking just one cigarette have been the ruin of many good quitting efforts. It's important for you to realize ahead of time that these mental contortions are a normal part of the recovery process. A little preparation will keep you in the driver's seat when your mind starts to wander and smoking seems like a good option. Sometimes, distracting yourself for as little as 5 minutes is enough to snap you out of faulty thinking and get you moving forward with a better mindset.

Such is smoking cessation, and such is life. On those days when simple distractions don't work and you're feeling agitated and unhappy, have a game plan that you can turn to at a moment’s notice. You can start by making a list entitled: Put things on the list that you might reserve for those times when you need an extra boost: Take a long walk in nature, and bring the dog!Give yourself an hour to soak in a long hot bathHead to the gym for a workout and a swimSplurge on a hot fudge sundae with all the fixingsWhatever the treat, make it self-indulgent and guilt-free. You're working hard to free yourself from a tough addiction, and a little positive reinforcement goes a long way. If all else fails, put yourself on ignore and go to bed a little earlier than usual. Tomorrow will be a better day. As they say, cigarettes travel in packs. The only way to keep the beast at bay is to keep nicotine out of your system. If you decide to go ahead and smoke just one, chances are you'll be back to your old habit in short order. You may even find yourself smoking more than you used to.

There is no such thing as just one cigarette.

If you absolutely cannot get thoughts of smoking out of your mind and you fear you're about to cave in and smoke, stop everything. Grab some paper and a pen, sit down, and answer the questions below with honesty and as much detail as you can muster. How long have I been smoke-free?How long do I think it should take to be free of this habit?If I go back to smoking, will I want to quit again?How long will it be before I do? Weeks...months...years? When illness strikes? Will quitting be any easier next time around?What benefits will smoking give me?Is it worth giving up what I've worked so hard to do?Some of these questions are hard to think about, but the fact is, people who return to smoking run the risk of not quitting again for years or before a smoking related illness strikes. Keep your memory green and don't lose sight of the reasons you quit smoking. They are no less true today than they were when you quit, but if you're not careful, they can feel less critical.

Be patient with yourself and allow the healing process to take place, regardless of how long it takes. Nurture and protect your quit program because it's the path to a healthier and happier you.

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Angela's 6 Month Milestone

Smoking cessation is a gradual process of release from nicotine addiction, and for most of us, this process brings about a change in the relationship we have to smoking.

For smoking cessation forum member Angela (Forum ID: awonspirit), this change of heart is poignantly described in the poem she wrote to celebrate 6 months smoke-free. The blinders are off and the smokescreen has lifted.

Congratulations, Angela!

© Angela Moten

When I think of a cigarette,
I think of the four thousand chemicals
that would rush into my mouth and
burn their way into my once healthy lungs.
I think about that nasty taste, that nasty
ring of polluted air I would create in the
space around my body. I think of the
looks of disgust given by those close by.
I think of those who politely stepped
away from me, and those who not so
politely stepped away.

When I think of a cigarette,
I think of the forty seven years
I spent enslaved to its beck and call.
I think of the lies I told myself to ensure
it’s hold on me. How I convinced myself
that it’s treacherous act was fulfilling some
need, some longing that mysteriously
never went away. I think of the twenty
times each day I held the delusion
that it was making me feel better,
and thought I was sane in the process.

When I think of a cigarette,
I think of the lengths I would go to
to get one - Late night solitary walks
to liquor stores in dangerous neighborhoods,
taking money from the children’s piggy banks,
writing checks on an account with no funds.
I think of how I convinced myself I was normal
and not a “real” junkie. How I lied to myself
constantly. I shudder at the thought. But things
are better now. I am free. I looked the demon
in his face, and saw him for the liar that he is.

When I think of a cigarette,
I no longer lust its poisonous pinion,
my senses have returned (and improved).
I smile at the recognition that I am a winner.
My sanity has returned. I am strong. I
have garnered the lessons this addiction offered.
I have unveiled the truth – I am neither
victim nor fool. In the wake of a once
destructive force, I stand victorious -
captain at the helm – punch my fists up in the air.
Rejoice in my new found freedom.

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Chantix Side Effects

I'm afraid to use Chantix because of all of the negative news I've been reading about Chantix side effects. Can you tell me what the side effects of Chantix are and whether Chantix is dangerous for me to use to quit smoking?Answer: Chantix is a smoking cessation medication. In the years since its been on the market, a number of serious concerns about Chantix side effects that involve changes in mood and behavior have surfaced. Typical Chantix side effects include: nausea vomiting constipation gas disruptions in dream patternsPeople who report this set of symptoms often feel that the advantages outweigh the discomforts associated with Chantix. Chantix works by altering brain chemistry, and as such, carries a set of risk factors that involve changes in mood and behavior.

If you have been diagnosed with depression or any other mental health condition, it is very important to carefully review, with the help of your doctor, whether Chantix is a good fit for you.

Safety information from the Chantix Website: Some people have had changes in behavior, hostility, agitation, depressed mood, suicidal thoughts or actions while using CHANTIX to help them quit smoking. Some people had these symptoms when they began taking CHANTIX, and others developed them after several weeks of treatment or after stopping CHANTIX. If you, your family, or caregiver notice agitation, hostility, depression, or changes in behavior, thinking, or mood that are not typical for you, or you develop suicidal thoughts or actions, anxiety, panic, aggression, anger, mania, abnormal sensations, hallucinations, paranoia, or confusion, stop taking CHANTIX and call your doctor right away. Also tell your doctor about any history of depression or other mental health problems before taking CHANTIX, as these symptoms may worsen while taking CHANTIX.In May of 2008, the Federal Aviation Administration (FAA) banned pilots and air traffic controllers from using this drug while on the job:

FAA Bans Chantix for Pilots and Controllers

On July 1, 2009, the FDA mandated that the manufacturers of Chantix, Zyban and Wellbutrin carry a new Boxed Warning on product labels that inform health care providers and the public of the potential risks associated with the use of these drugs. Zyban (bupropion hydrochloride) is a non-nicotine prescription quit aid similar to Chantix. Wellbutrin is bupropion that is marketed as an anti-depressant.

The FDA issued a public health advisory as well: People who are taking Chantix or Zyban and experience any serious and unusual changes in mood or behavior or who feel like hurting themselves or someone else should stop taking the medicine and call their healthcare professional right away. Friends or family members who notice these changes in behavior in someone who is taking Chantix or Zyban for smoking cessation should tell the person their concerns and recommend that he or she stop taking the drug and call a health care professional right away.FDA Public Health Advisory Released for Zyban and Chantix

On June 16, 2011, the FDA issued a public health advisory about a possible increase in the risk of certain cardiovascular events for people with pre-existing heart disease using Chantix.

FDA: Chantix May Increase Risk of Cardiovascular Events

In light of the potentially serious side effects of Chantix, one might ask whether this form of drug therapy is appropriate for anyone to use.

Both Chantix and Zyban are in a class of quit aids that alter brain chemistry, and that has the potential to cause serious side effects for some people. They are not one-size-fits-all quit aids.

That said, the fact that Chantix and Zyban are still on the market speaks to the good that these quit aids are doing. With a person dying a tobacco-related death every 8 seconds somewhere in the world, day in and day out, 365 days a year, we can safely say that tobacco use is the grand-daddy of all risks that smokers should be concerned with.

Tobacco is a vicious killer in sheep's clothing, and is directly responsible for upwards of 5 million deaths worldwide each year. If current trends continue unchanged, estimates put death by tobacco at one billion this century.

If you happen to be in the group of people who should not use Chantix or Zyban, there are many other products available to help you quit smoking. The absolute best quit aid, and one that is a mandatory ingredient for long term success with smoking cessation is your determination to quit smoking. With it, any quit aid of your choosing will work. Without it, none will. Follow the links below to build the strong resolve that will help you put smoking in your past, permanently.

Resources to Help You Quit Smoking:

Your Quit Smoking Toolbox
The quit smoking toolbox gives you links to information and the support necessary to build a solid quit smoking program for yourself.

Quit Smoking 101 - A Free Email Course
This free newsletter e-mail course, which you'll receive daily for 10 days in your mailbox, aims to provide you with a solid foundation for quitting tobacco successfully.

Online Smoking Cessation Support Forum
Join our very active smoking cessation support community. Support from those who know what you’re going through is invaluable. You may visit as a guest and browse, or register (free) to join the discussions and post messages of your own.

You can quit smoking. Believe in yourself and the sky is the limit.

Sources:
Public Health Advisory: FDA Requires New Boxed Warnings for the Smoking Cessation Drugs Chantix and Zyban. 01 July, 2009. U.S. Food and Drug Administration.

Chantix Prescription Information. July, 2009. Pfizer Labs.

Chantix Side Effects and Important Safety Information. 01 July, 2009. Chantix.com.

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My Darling...

Written by an About.com Smoking Cessation Forum member, this "letter" is a poignant goodbye to nicotine addiction.

My Darling,

How can I express what you've meant to me these many years? The bond we've shared has been stronger than any other in my life. You were always there for me when I was alone.

When I was scared, you gave me strength.

When I was happy, you shared my joys.

When I was angry, you fueled my fire with your own.

When I was hungry you "nourished" me and kept me slim.

When I turned my back on you, you waited patiently, knowing I would return.

You never judged me or held a grudge. You welcomed me back with open arms. You were practically my lover - we knew each other so intimately. You invaded every pore of me. Just the smell of you can set my heart pounding. The feel of you in my hand, so smooth and firm, makes my blood boil even now. God, I want you so badly. You and I have been together through so very much.

How can I tell you I have to go? I'll just do it... This is "Goodbye." I love you and I always will, but this is killing me. It's not healthy and I'm beginning to see that now. I have changed, grown, but you have stayed the same. We've been going in different directions for awhile, and I just haven't been able to admit it to myself. Now I can.

You're giving me wrinkles on my face. You take my money. You make my breath smell bad and my teeth yellow. None of my friends like you and look what you've done to my mother-in-law and grandfather! I won't be your victim any longer.

I've actually hidden from my friends when I was sneaking around with you. I can't take you anywhere in public without you embarrassing me. I can't count the number of times I have told my children to wait so I could go see you. You are not more important than my children. I am so angry at myself for putting your first. You had such a hold on me. Even when I was sick, you called me, and I came without question. I feel like I"m losing myself to you. We've always been together. Is there a "me" without you? Surely there is. I bet she's someone you wouldn't recognize. You always thought I was weak and I'd be back, but I'm not weak anymore. I'm discovering how strong I really am. I can go and not look back, except on those lonely, rainy nights when the kids are in bed, and I drag out those old pictures of us together. I'm sure you know I'll miss you. It's not like these last 14 years have meant nothing to me. But my future means more. I have to do what's right for me now.

Letting you go hurts more than I can describe. I lay here at night thinking of you and missing you so badly. Every time something makes me angry I just want to go to you. I actually have a physical pain in my chest and my throat tightens when I think of you. I know if I just run to you, you'll take me back and make the pain go away, but only temporarily. You always want more of me, and loving you has become a vicious, self-destructive cycle.

I know that the pain I feel right now will heal and hopefully so will the other scars you've left on my heart and lungs. I pray it's not too late for me to give my body a fresh start. This pain will not kill me and that which does not kill me only makes me stronger.

Don't wait for me this time.

I know you'll find others to take my place; younger, more naive women to seduce. I may be tempted from time to time, but you can bet I won't be back.

Goodbye.

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Definition Cigarette Tar

Photo © Stockxpert

Definition:
The term used to describe the toxic chemicals found in cigarettes. The concentration of tar in a cigarette determines its rating: High-tar cigarettes contain at least 22 milligrams (mg) of tar Medium-tar cigarettes from 15 mg to 21 mg Low-tar cigarettes 7 mg or less of tarSee also: Tar in Cigarettes if(zSbL

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Oral Cancer Personal Story

Throat Anatomy courtesy of A.D.A.M.

I left his office in a trance. I drove home in a trance, almost wrecking the car a couple of times. My only thought was, "No, no, no, way are they going to cut my throat open, and no way are they going to turn me into a freak."

I got home and called my children and told them what the doctor had said. I also told them I'd decided not to have the surgery. They naturally had a fit and said, "Yes, you are!" I informed them it was my life and my decision.

My oldest son and his wife drove 500 miles to my home to talk me into having the surgery. My daughter-in-law started crying and said, "Mom, I can't believe you don't want to see your future grandchildren."Well, I think that's what did it, because after I thought about it, I couldn't sleep that night. I realized how selfish I was. I knew I was not ready to leave this world without seeing my grand babies. My greatest wish was to be a grandma. I decided to go back and talk to the doctor. The kids went with me, and on December 24, 1996 (Christmas Eve), I had a complete laryngectomy. Nice Christmas present wasn't it?

When I woke up in intensive care, the first thing I recall is seeing my youngest son holding my hand with his head resting on the bed rail, crying so hard he was sobbing. I naturally opened my mouth to console him but nothing came out. I felt so helpless. I wanted so badly to assure him everything was going to be okay, and I couldn't say a word. My voice was gone. Forever.

That must have been a horrible sight, seeing your mother lying there with her throat cut nearly ear to ear.

All because of tobacco addiction.

After I got out of the hospital, I had home nurses and a speech therapist come to my home to help me. I didn't know anything about the laryngectomy I had just had or about being a laryngectomee. This was all new to me. The first thing was to learn how to care for myself. There was the feeding tube, hooked up through my nose, and learning to clean the trachea site (hole in my neck). One day I was fine, the next I'd cry all day. I was on an emotional roller coaster. I had a speech therapist who came to my home to teach me how to talk with an instrument called an electro-larynx. She took it out of the box, put the battery in it, and showed me how to use it. She told me to sit in front of a mirror and practice until I could be understood. As soon as she left, I took the battery out, packed it back in the box and said to myself, "I'm not about to use that silly-sounding thing to talk. I wouldn't be caught dead talking with that thing."Still suffering in silence, all because of tobacco addiction.

We set up a tapping signal on the telephone so I could answer questions and call for help if I needed to. One tap was "no," two taps meant "yes," etc. My daughter and granddaughter called me from out of state, and they would ask questions and talk and I would tap. When we got ready to hang up, I started crying. I tapped 1-2-3 and my daughter said "I love you too, Mom." I'll never forget how devastated I felt that I couldn't even tell my kids I love them. All because of tobacco addiction.

After I got off the phone, I opened the box, put the battery back in and started to practice. As soon as I thought my kids would be able to understand me, I called them all and told them I loved them, and they all understood me. To this day, I hate using talking with that device. I'd much rather have my old voice back, but it is gone forever...all because of tobacco addiction.

Then came 33 radiation treatments--as if the cut throat, feeding tubes, medications, and silly-sounding speaking devices weren't enough. Getting through all the radiation treatments was a real test of strength for me. More than once I sat in my car after a treatment and cried before I could put the key in the ignition and start the car (I prayed a lot too). But my children constantly reassured me that I could make it. How I did, I don't know, but I did. I have adjusted for the most part to my new way of life. Every day I think about it; it never leaves your mind. I am so lucky because I'm alive. A lot of people -- approximately 50 an hour -- are dying because of tobacco addiction. Speaking of being lucky, in 1999, we were invited by the American Lung Association to represent them at the Second Wind Lung Transplant Convention in St. Louis. I talked to people who were in wheelchairs with oxygen tanks strapped to their backs and tubes running up their noses. They were some of the nicest people I've ever met. I talked at length about their problems, my problems, etc.

I learned that most of them had smoked, and most of them were on a waiting list for a lung transplant. Well I'm ashamed to admit that up until this point I had felt sorry for myself. I came home from that convention a much more thankful person and life means so much more to me now. I'm alive, and my name is not on a waiting list for life!

I am sure my story is pretty close to, if not exactly like, many others before and after me. That's why it's important that we educate as many children as we can about the dangers and terrible consequences of tobacco.

If you are a child and you are reading my story, please stop and really think about what you are doing to harm yourself before you use a tobacco product, because I really do care about you.

Marlene Today: An Update

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